Our baby’s due date arrived and out she came to join us in the real world. Baby Ellie Charlene was born on November 23rd at 0931. Labor began around 1700 on Thanksgiving as George and I sat down to eat turkey. We couldn’t have been more excited or relieved as we both were hoping to avoid induction. I could write endlessly about my experience with pregnancy, labor & delivery and becoming a new mom, but I’ll try to hash out my thoughts in bullet points for brevity while things are relatively fresh. This post will focus on pregnancy with subsequent entries to follow.
Elusive Goldilocks Zones.
Am I eating too much or not enough? What about my physical activity level? How on earth do I get enough fluids and sleep when my body seems to be rejecting both? Are my symptoms as strong as yesterday or could there be something wrong with the baby? These are questions I asked myself pretty much throughout pregnancy in response to my own feelings of uncertainty combined with external feedback from our medical team, family, friends and perfect strangers. I initially expected these thoughts may go away as the pregnancy progressed, but they were there until the very end.
Medical tests galore.
Holy Hannah, I’ve never had so many doctors appointments and blood draws. I’ve also never felt so unhealthy. Early on I had to have an echocardiogram to ensure there were no issues with my heart due to frequent heart palpitations – thank goodness there weren’t and the palpitations seemed to go away toward the 2nd trimester. For the 1st time in my life I had an irregular pap – talk about scary. This prompted a colposcopy and I’m extremely grateful the results were more favorable than the pap. I then failed the 1-hour glucose test, but passed the 3-hour – this played into my concern about possible macrosomia and blood sugar issues in our baby at birth. As we got deeper into the 3rd trimester, my fundal height was measuring behind, requiring a growth scan and shifting my concern from macrosomia to intrauterine growth restriction – thankfully, the growth scan showed our baby was growing well. The knowledge and technology we have today is undeniably incredible and can have many benefits, but I also found the barrage of tests to be a significant source of stress at times.
Vulnerability really is powerful and helpful.
Sharing my worries and concerns surrounding all the tests noted above helped ease my fear and anxiety as I learned people in my circle had been through similar experiences. Pregnancy also provokes a slew of symptoms and body changes – some of which can be very scary and alarming. Darkening of moles was one which caught me off guard and I was relieved to learn it was a common change caused by the increase in hormones. Talking about these changes among many, many others yielded much comfort and freed my mind from ruminating on them alone. As Brene Brown points out, being vulnerable also helps to foster human connection, which is especially beneficial during a time of such change and uncertainty as pregnancy.
Ideal is not Always Realistic.
Pregnancy often prompts significant changes, many of which can seem out of one’s control. Typically, I have an expansive palate for eating. Food aversions kicked in pretty strongly for me around week 6, leaving me beyond indecisive and often reluctant to eat, not to mention entirely removing my desire to cook. I also tended to dislike eating the same thing 2 days in a row. While I always try to avoid processed food, Amy’s frozen meals became a savior for me, allowing me to have a variety of meals available within minutes. Along with the food aversions, I noticed running seemed to amplify my fatigue, afternoon headaches and other pregnancy-related symptoms. I tried shorter runs to no avail. Ultimately, I settled on walking and prenatal workouts on YouTube. I feel making the decision to stick with the types of nourishing foods and physical activity that worked with my body on any given day and set aside feelings about what I “should” be doing helped me achieve a healthy weight gain and feel my best physically and emotionally during all of the changes and ups & downs that come with growing a baby.
Trust Nature.
I tried so hard to maintain my smile at our 39-week appointment when the doctor broached the subject of induction. After reading about the tendency for inductions to kick off a cascade of medical interventions from pain meds and epidurals to c-sections, George and I knew we wanted to avoid induction if at all possible. I am in favor of inductions if medically necessary, but given this was my first pregnancy and due dates are calculated guesses at best, I didn’t want to hit 41-weeks and find myself sliding down that aforementioned slippery slope. Having an induction date booked sent George and me trying all the old wives’ tales to initiate labor at home from raspberry leaf tea, longer and more frequent walks to bouncing on the exercise ball. I don’t really believe any of these were responsible for labor starting on the eve of Ellie’s due date, but it felt good mentally to know I was doing my due diligence to help our baby have the chance to be born naturally. Despite all the nerves that came with pregnancy-related changes, medical tests and the threat of induction, nature prevailed and our baby was born healthy. I found it helpful to remind myself that women endured pregnancy and child birth before modern medicine came along and our species is still here as proof.
All in all, I view pregnancy and the end result of becoming a mother as the most amazing and transformative thing I’ve ever experienced. While it’s such a happy and exciting time, I found it easy to be riddled with opposing feelings of uneasiness and fear which tend to come with many of life’s new and meaningful experiences. Pregnancy was a great reminder to me to focus on what I can control, do my best and let go of the things beyond my control.